Man Overboard

Quitin' Hour

2006-08-28T17:39:40Z

I quit today.

I'm a free man until October 3rd.

Off to the gym.

Woot

2006-08-24T21:06:19Z

Looks like things are going well for all who count.

Me and Constance.

She passed her tests today, and for some reason ended up buying me lunch. I have finished my 'First Responder' course (the final is 2morow), and got back my test scores for acceptance into the school. PERFECT SCORE BITCHES! So yea, if I pass the Combat Challenge on Saturday. I wont see anyone for at least 4 months.

Back to studying, its my new way of life.

And remember, if your helping someone who is hurt, DONT LAUGH! Step into the next room, close the door, laugh, then help them.

FastTrain

2006-08-18T23:34:22Z

You've heard the comercails, "Get on the fast train and 'FastTrain' for you're career today".

Fuck'em. They're too slow. The Broward Fire Academy has a 2 year waiting list. I need my 'First Responder', EMT, or Paramedic to get in. I also need a current CPR certification, and updated finger-prints.

In using my connections, I tried bypassing the waiting list hoping to get into the January 2007 class. That didnt work out. Instead, I'm in the October 2006 class. Which means, next week, while on vacation from work, I'll be in a one week course for First Responder, Tuesday night I'll need to take and pass my TABE test (needed to get into the academy also), Wednesday I'll need to update my CPR cert. and sometime in between that I'll need to be fingerprinted. And on Saturday... is my Combat Challenge Test. I'll need to run up 5 flights of stairs with 50 pounds of hose, pull up a 50lb. hose from the 5th floor, run down the stairs with a 40 lb. pack, use a sledge hammer to hit a 80lb block 5ft, drag a charged hose 75ft, and then finaly drag a 120lb dummy 50ft... all while wearing a 25lb wieghted vest, and in under 8 minutes. THIS is why I wanted to wait til January. So I could train. HA!

My day was crazy... how was yours?

So eh....

2006-08-15T02:08:53Z

Yea. Communication is key. How many times must I stress that point?
Daren works 2morow night. I think I'm just gonna run the stairs, so I'll see yall on Thursday.

I love being the only stocker in the entire building for two weeks. Its the shiznit... I'm bored, and have nothing to say to any of you.

There arent many cars like yours. That makes it rare. Hard to find. So chances are, when I see that car, its you. And yet you never stopped. What an ass.

"A failure in your eyes"

2006-07-10T03:30:25Z

This has some -one- person thinking I'm emo.

"A failure in yours eyes" means just that. I'm breaking away. I may not live to your expectations, but I'm living, and enjoying life. I may not be the doctor, or the lawyer, or the guy with the highest paying job. I may not live your dreams for you but,

I'll live MY life MY way. Thats all it means. And in some cases, I am, 'a failure in your eyes'. Which, if you havent caught on yet, is a good thing.

2morow

2006-07-06T00:28:04Z

Is the only day I'll let Steve moan'n'groan about how hard it is for him to work. IF he shows up. I feel bed for him, getting off work 10pm only to come back at 4am. But such is life....
I just realized mine ended April 27...
What happened that day I dont know. But I do know I was organized, had a plan. And now, nothing.

A failure in your eyes.

Road Trip 2006

2006-07-02T20:04:47Z

If I said $150 a person. for a weeks trip, would any of you have a problem?

Going as far as 4-5 states. I'm trying to figure these things out. Lemme know.

Skittles!!!!!!!!!

2006-06-21T23:15:16Z

YAY For Skittles!

mikylikesit @ 2006-06-19T19:53:00

2006-06-19T23:59:32Z

Every Warrior of the Light has felt afraid of going into battle.
Every Warrior of the Light has, at some time in the past, lied or betrayed someone.
Every Warrior of the Light has trodden a path that was not his.
Every Warrior of the Light has suffered for the most trivial of reasons.
Every Warrior of the Light has, at least once, believed that he was not a Warrior of the Light.
Every Warrior of the Light has failed in his spiritual duties.
Every Warrior of the Light has said "yes" when he wanted to say "no."
Every Warrior of the Light has hurt someone he loved.

That is why he is a Warrior of the Light, because he has been through all this and yet never lost hope of being better than he is.
~Warrior Of The Light: A Manual by Paulo Coelho

I dont think any book of mine has a bigger crease in the binding than this one.

P.S.
I'm home now

mikylikesit @ 2006-06-16T00:06:00

2006-06-16T04:06:52Z

mikylikesit @ 2006-06-15T10:39:00

2006-06-15T14:40:23Z

Pending I pass my finger print and drug testings, I'm the newest security guard at the Hardrock Hotel & Casino.

Stop right there sir!

2006-06-14T23:32:11Z

That sound is very familiar after going to target with you guys...

And, hopefully, after 2morow's interveiw I'll be saying it. The only thing I dont like is the suit. But, whatever. Its not PetSmart. I'll you people updated.

Oh yea

2006-06-08T00:09:37Z

I woke up at least 3 times that I remember last night. Twice from that same dream...

At least, I dont die.

Waking up in cold sweats isn't fun either.

I have failed you

2006-06-08T00:06:35Z

At least I think.

I'm doing my best to uphold a promise for a friend. I had no intention of breaking it. Infact, I performed no actions that would do otherwise, and yet, I'm very close to breaking that promise, by no fault of my own.

Sorry.

mikylikesit @ 2006-06-04T22:12:00

2006-06-05T02:30:26Z

Days swiftly come and go.
I'm dreaming of her
She's seeing other guys
Emotions they stir
The sun is gone.
The nights are long
And I am left while the tears fall.

Did you think that I would cry,
on the phone?
Do you know what it feels like,
being alone?
I'll find someone new

Swing, Swing, Swing from the tangles of
My heart is crushed by a former love
Can you help me find a way
To carry on again.

Wish cast into the sky
I'm moving on
Sweet beginnings do arise
She knows I was wrong
The notes are old,
They bend, they fold
and so do I to a new love.

Bury me
(you thought your problems were gone)
Carry me
(away. away, away...)

So, ever write just to write?
Yea, its one of those times. You dont know what youre thinking or why your wirting your just sitting here, bored, so you type.

I realized the other I'm missing out on the college life. Away from home, in a dorm, parties, friends, and a lack of sleep. i beat myself up about it. What am I missing? Then I think of my friends who are living out there on their own. Mixed stories of "Its great!" or "It sucks!" Its just something I'd like to judge. But I think of my friends that left... and think of their reasons. Education, money, away from home. And the other one. Stupidity. I actually thought of staying at my job becuz a management position was offered, but only if I didnt go into the Army. Now I actually thought of this. And to me, it says two things: 1) I'm stupid for even thinking of it and 2) I dont know what I want. Needless to say I'm not taking the position and I'm currently applying for the security job I was offered along time ago at the Casino. But back to my friends. I had one, that didnt want to leave. Didnt want to go away to college because they were afraid of what they'd miss here. After telling this person to go, they went. and I wonder, is that the reason they went? Because it was what they wanted, what they were offered, or what they were told to do? I dont know. And I'm tired of thinking of the 'what ifs'. I try to focus on me, now, and what I want done with my life, but it doesnt work. I not one to leave a job half-assed, and not finished. But I did, and it keeps biting me int eh ass everytime I try to move on. Flashbacks. Replays, hoping in my mind that maybe I could change something in my mind and it'll work.

I have what I have. And dare not ask for anything more. Well, maybe one thing, but FATE hates me.

mikylikesit @ 2006-05-29T20:25:00

2006-05-30T00:29:08Z

My news, I got none.

Just dont fuck with me anymore

I was told

2006-05-20T02:55:01Z

To stand by him, like they do me. Not supporting what he's doing, but support him, like they do me.

My question is, how do you support someone comitting suicide. Ending their life.

Night Terrors

2006-05-19T21:15:54Z

Really, if your laughing in the back of your head right now, FUCK YOU.

I have one dream. No really, I can only have one dream. And I have it everynight I fall asleep. Somehow, I made it through all my training, and I'm a pilot for the US Army. I'm in the middle east flying over for tactical support of a small group of Marines. A radio call is made in panic, an ambush in a nearby town. 5 men are already down, and they are soon to be flanked by the enemy. Being the closest support we break away from our current route of flight and fly towards the others. In keeping radio contact we find out that there is little hope we will be of any use because the enemy is using buildings to hide in and we cant exactly mow down an entire city. A gunner from the back screams "FULL STOP! FULL STOP!". I pull back on the yoke bringing the nose of the chopper up and slowing us down. Again the gunner screams "GO! GO! GO!" I push forward dropping our nose and picking up speed. In front of us I see the smoke trail of the rocket I avoided. The gunner leans over my sholder and says "Awesome job" I turn to look at him and see behind him, outside, another rocket. Theres not a damn thing I can do and it slams into my tail. The gunner is the first to die, thrown from his seat (unstrapped because he stood up to lean over and speak to me). We end up crashing in side a building, a fairly soft landing. Myself the copilot, and the other gunners escape the reckage. Not having city maps, radios, and nothing more than 9mm hand guns, we are soon caught. I remember feeling the punches to my chest, my ribs cracking, not being able to breathe. Eventually they leave the room I'm in.
And thats when I wake up.

I'm pretty sure I die. Anyways, its been this dream, at least once a night, for the past 3 weeks. I sleep, but mentally I dont, and thats why I'm so tired lately.

One Word.

2006-05-18T05:19:08Z

CUNT

Shortcut to Hell

2006-05-10T02:10:13Z

Nothing makes me happy anymore.

I need to leave.
I need to get out now.
Leave me alone, why cant everyone just leave me alone?

He's not happy, but he's doing it anyway. He says he's happy, but if you knew him, you can see it in his eyes, and yet he's doing it anyway. Everyone I know is so focused on him, I dont exist. I need help with my resume for the Army. But they're too busy planning for him. And when they do focus on me, they ask my why I'm leaving, why the military, why not stay in school, why not a 9-5 stuck in a cube for the rest of your life job? Why do I feel I need to leave to be happy? I want to fly, I want to be int he military, maybe I even want to kill something or someone just to see what its like. What if thats why.

From here on out.

FUCK YOU. All of you who question me, or what I stand for, FUCK YOU. All of you who dont want me to leave, FUCK YOU.

My dream is no different from yours. You want to be a nurse, you're a nurse. A firefighter? You're a firefighter. A police officer? You're a police officer. A teacher? You're a teacher. And you, like everyone else, told someone you had a dream, and you got that pat on the back and a "Go for it kid!". I got glares, the cold sholder, shunned away from family.

You dont come back the same! They brain wash you! You become crazy! Everyone has stories from he said she said bullshit. These people never wanted war, they wanted college money, an easy way out, and they got screwed. I'm looking forward to a career in the military. One from which I may not return. So what. I got nothing here anyway.

NOTHING.

mikylikesit @ 2006-05-05T19:50:00

2006-05-05T23:52:14Z

wait
I'm coming undone
unlaced
I'm coming undone
too late
I'm coming undone
what looks so strong so delicate
wait
I'm starting to suffocate
and soon i anticipate
I'm coming undone
what looks so strong so delicate

choke, choke again
I thought my demons were my friends
gettting me in the end
they're out to get me
since I was young
I've tasted sorrow on my tounge
and this sweet chugga gun
does not protect me

thats right
trigger between my eyes
please strike
make it quick now

wait
I'm coming undone
unlaced
I'm coming undone
too late
I'm coming undone
what looks so strong so delicate
wait
I'm starting to suffocate
and soon i anticipate
I'm coming undone
what looks so strong so delicate

I'm
trying to hold it together
head is lighter than a feather
looks like I'm not getting better
not getting better

wait
I'm coming undone
unlaced
I'm coming undone
too late
I'm coming undone
what looks so strong so delicate
wait
I'm starting to suffocate
and soon i anticipate
I'm coming undone
what looks so strong so delicate

_________________________________________________________________________

I can't escape this hell
So many times i've tried
But i'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one would ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
(This animal, this animal)

I can't escape myself
(I can't escape myself)
So many times i've lied
(So many times i've lied)
But there's still rage inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself

The Road Less Traveled

2006-05-03T23:31:05Z

I feel, a number of things after that conversation last night. Frustration, confusion, and relaxed. I'm frustrated because I know I'm the one who cuased everything, I'm the one who at one point in time ruined the relationship, and I have no words as to why. I have nothing to say, ever. My friends dont care, they know I'm listening, and I'll put my words in where needed. I'm confused because I cant understand why two people, who know they love each other, can dismiss everything so easyily and deny each other. But, I'm relaxed. In her own stupidity, she thought I hated her, now she knows I dont, and where I may not ever be able to hold her again she knows.

I thought to myself today, and yesterday really, of why, if it is so easy to get this pilot position, why am I the only canidate from South Florida. I did my research and it gives a whole new meaning to hell week. I knew, that going through Basic Training, if you are graduating from Basic as an E2 or E3 (everyone else graduates E1) then you get this arm band that has one or two stripes on it, and no likes you cuz your better. What I didnt know, was that going through Basic, amd Flight Training, and SEREs (Survival, Evade, Re-conn, and Escape Simulation) I have to wear a bright neon orange arm band. As it was described to me by a fellow Warrant Officer Pilot, "Think of it as your 'Star of David', and everyone else, well they're the Nazi." Going through my training I'll get no respect from the men in Basic, and no respect once I'm a pilot from the Commissioned Officers. I'm looking at a minimum of 7 years of pranks, hate, and name calling. After being told this, I was asked if I still wanted to join, "But I get to fly right?!" I asked. The Officer laughed and said "You'll do just fine."

Our Movies Inc.

2006-05-02T01:15:41Z

Our movie is finished.... for now, unless I find what I'm looking for.

It took 3 hours to film, about 9 hrs of editing, and its an amazing 3 minutes and 47 seconds of stupidity.

Just another Our Movies Inc. production.

The camera will be brought this thursday to give to Daren. I think, if you guys dont object, I should off on the veiwing of this movie until all of us have finished our movies. I also think I shouldnt make one, unless I come up with a good idea. But this way I can edit everyones movie and not be baist. Plus I think this movie would be a good cap on all of them.

Comments, Suggestions?

mikylikesit @ 2006-04-30T11:44:00

2006-04-30T16:21:09Z

I'm writing this knowing that the one person who'd this would effect no longer reads my journals.

Ever made a mistake?
I have

Ever been stupid?
I have

There was a time, when I had so many things going for me. But I ruined it. She loved me, and I her. But long distance never works. Maybe its because I thought that way that it didnt, but for what ever reason, it didnt. I just kept fucking things up, and holy crap, she still kept coming back to see me. I was angry, at myself, because I kept screwing things up. It wasnt fair to her, and I knew that. I didnt want to keep hurting her, so I thought of it like the lotto. Sounds out there I know, but let me explain. If you win the lotto, you get to options; You can get your money over a prolonged period of time, like 30 years, you get more money because your taxing small amounts and the interest of the money gives you more. But the second option, you can get all your money at once, it'll be alot less but you have it, and its over. I could've held on to her, caused her pain and anger, but kept it together by 'by the skin of my teeth'. But wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did. So instead, I shut her out and the relationship down in a matter of days. Almost a year ago.

I still love her.

But she wont have anything to do with me.

hey

2006-04-28T17:42:25Z

I'm not a jerk